I'm not sure which iconic cartoon character first uttered the words "I hate meeeeces to pieces" but I agree with the sentiment....about trashing those dastardly mice, that is. But even MORE than mice, I hate those nasty, vicious, obnoxious, destructive, taunting, chattering, bird seed-gorging, cable-line-eating, vile, attic-invading rodents
SQUIRRELS!
Tricky marketers, catalogues and crafters will try to convince us that they are cuddly endearing little harbingers of fall.
I am not so easily duped (though I did purchase some tiny little place card holders shaped like squirrels from Pottery Barn one year, in a temporary moment of autumnal insanity...)
Now I am older, wiser, more cynical.
Are YOU looking at ME, you arrogant little ______ (fill in blank with obscenity of your choice).
They think they are so clever, so devious, so wily
(actually, they kinda are, damn it)
with their gorilla tactics and all.
They slither in, chase the birds away, and steal their sunflowers seeds. Then, with insatiable avarice, they move on to the front yard and start attacking my helpless, defenseless pumpkins.
They've become completely oblivious to my pounding on the doors, shouting, cats, dogs, roofers, scarecrows and Husband (who, if possible, hates them even more than I.) He has threatened to get a gun (he does not specify what kind, but we ARE in the city limits and close quarters at that). Still, his testosterone is up, and I can feel the anger and violence swelling in his breast.
Yeah, like YOU, dear Readers, have not had this sensation in YOUR breast from time to time? But, I digress...
Please note abrasion on pumpkin.
Please note squirrel on said pumpkin.
Let's just watch for a while and see what transpires.
SUCH insouciance, SUCH innocence
Need I say more?
Can you say "AARRGG (or if you are like me, and not given to violence, and you just wish bad voodoo on someone, err some rodent)...
then you can just hope the squirrel gets his/her just desserts.
Squirrel, have some dessert.
TITLE: Squirrel Gallows.)
