November 7, 2010

Nemesis of Fall: Squirrels


I'm not sure which iconic cartoon character first uttered the words "I hate meeeeces to pieces" but I agree with the sentiment....about trashing those dastardly mice, that is. But even MORE than mice, I hate those nasty, vicious, obnoxious, destructive, taunting, chattering, bird seed-gorging, cable-line-eating, vile, attic-invading rodents   

SQUIRRELS!              

Tricky marketers, catalogues and crafters will try to convince us that they are cuddly endearing little harbingers of fall.

I am not so easily duped (though I did purchase some tiny little place card holders shaped like squirrels from Pottery Barn one year, in a temporary moment of autumnal insanity...)

Now I am older, wiser, more cynical.  




Are YOU looking at ME, you arrogant little ______ (fill in blank with obscenity of your choice).



They think they are so clever, so devious, so wily

(actually, they kinda are, damn it)

with their gorilla tactics and all.


They slither in, chase the birds away, and steal their sunflowers seeds. Then, with insatiable  avarice, they move on to the front yard and start attacking my helpless, defenseless pumpkins.

They've become completely oblivious to my pounding on the doors, shouting, cats, dogs, roofers, scarecrows and Husband (who, if possible, hates them even more than I.)  He has threatened to get a gun (he does not specify what kind, but we ARE in the city limits and close quarters at that). Still, his testosterone is up, and I can feel the anger and violence swelling in his breast.


Yeah, like YOU, dear Readers, have not had this sensation in YOUR breast from time to time? But, I digress...



Please note abrasion on pumpkin.


Please note squirrel on said pumpkin.


Let's just watch for a while and see what transpires.


SUCH insouciance, SUCH innocence





Need I say more?


Can you say "AARRGG  (or if you are like me, and not given to violence, and you just wish bad voodoo on someone, err some rodent)...




 then you can just hope the squirrel gets his/her just desserts. 


Squirrel, have some dessert. 

(FYI:  Squirrel is NOT sleeping. Bird feeder was hung on branch with fishing line.  Fishing line   which, without human intervention, can get tangled around a squirrel's neck, thereby leaving a ghoulish surprise on Halloween morning. 
 TITLE: Squirrel Gallows.)  






9 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness I'm sorry about your pumpkin, but the hanging squirrel is priceless. They are rats with tails. Whenever we see one killed on the road, we start singing "Another one bites the dust."~~Dee

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes, Dee, sometimes the Universe sends us little gifts...sometimes dead ones, but gifts, nevertheless. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Can we talk! Loved the last photo, Linda. Every outside/decorative pumpkin, at all of our family homes, looks like yours. Squirrels are very healthy because of this tasty treat, giving them energy to further their palate and dine all of my bulbs and fall pansies. I've given up on feeding the birds ... no baffle, baffles them. Tasty scattered seeds draw neighborhood hoards of skunk, raccoons, and possums that we've had to catapult out of window wells. Enough goodies in my natural garden to attract the birds that because of these critters, still dine and dash!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, yes! Yes! And that's nothing compared to the evil my squirrels have done. They keep digging up perennials to bury their peanut shells (the neighbor feeds them). The same plants have been yanked from the ground repeatedly. Deer repellant hasn't stopped them, chicken wire held down with chunks of concrete hasn't stopped them. They've dug up every Iris reticulata I've planted this fall, repeatedly. I've lost hundreds of dollars worth of plants to them, include 10 hybrid lilies planted this fall.
    BTW, you can keep them from eating the pumpkins by spraying them with deer repellant.

    ReplyDelete
  5. And yet you are at SQUIRRELHAVEN....gotta love it! Thanks much
    for the deer-repellant tip. Not having deer in my urban neighborhood, I did not know such. Your cause for anger way exceeds mine. Keep up the good fight MMD!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Joey, there are SOME advantages to being an inner city dweller! I didn't post the EXPLICIT pics, if you know what I mean. Maybe I'll take a poll. To post or not to post? How do you weigh in?!

    Hang the little devils!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Not to post! I don't like squirrels either, but the gallows pictures made me a little sad.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh! We don't want you sad, Julie! And believe me, it was an act of suicide...not homicide. Unless the birds had something to do with it...there was that Alfred Hitchcock movie come to think of it!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Omigosh... I love the hanging!! If he is allowed to rot, perhaps his squirrely friends will be grossed out (Perhaps the neighbor's children will as well?) If only he were a gopher, we would break out champagne!

    ReplyDelete

Please leave a comment! I love to hear from you!